On 01.02.02, I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Too late for surgery, I had chemotherapy, which failed. In May the chemotherapy was changed and I was soon in remission which was celebrated and welcome and lasted nine years - until October 2011. There was progression in 2011 so more treatment was indicated and I am now back in partial remission. But I'm not only a cancer patient - I also enjoy my family, walk my dogs and am learning to draw and paint. Life is good!

Sunday, April 07, 2013

Nothing to say

I've been AWOL for the last couple days.  Nothing is going on - which is exactly the point - nothing is going on.

The morphine puts me to sleep, but the dosage is too low to solve the pain problem. I see the oncologist tomorrow and want to discuss the medication issue. If he would increase the Fentanyl pain patch I wouldn't need so much - if any - morphine.  I often take five or six additional doses of morphine just to get some stability. The morphine is supposed to be for breakthrough pain once the patch keeps me pain-free most of the time.

I did go to church this morning after missing the previous two Sundays.

Part of me continues to be in total denial about my situation, another recognizes that I'm going downhill.  I was in remission until October 2011 when a tumor was discovered and removed from my bladder.  Then I restarted chemotherapy. The following October 2012 I had radiation to the bladder and have been in pain ever since. A tumor was removed from the bowel and that healed quickly.  The pain I'm always wingeing about these days is the inflammation of the bladder - that's what keeps me on Fentanyl and morphine.  It's actually just one small area.

Tomorrow I return to Juvenile Hall for the second time. It's almost an entirely new group now.  I restructured it so it would be worth everyone's time but involve less preparatory work to set things up.

And so it goes....

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