On 01.02.02, I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Too late for surgery, I had chemotherapy, which failed. In May the chemotherapy was changed and I was soon in remission which was celebrated and welcome and lasted nine years - until October 2011. There was progression in 2011 so more treatment was indicated and I am now back in partial remission. But I'm not only a cancer patient - I also enjoy my family, walk my dogs and am learning to draw and paint. Life is good!

Friday, February 08, 2013

So which is it?

Sixty years ago, in Metropolis, Illinois, Steve called it "Pink Eye." All these years later it's the same condition, now called conjunctivitis.  And I have it.  I woke up this morning thinking I had a scratch on the cornea and was quite freaked.  Fortunately, I already had a doctor's appointment set up this afternoon so had her look at the damage.  She diagnosed and prescribed right away and now I am in treatment for.... "pink eye"..... so to speak.

We were at the doctors' offices for about five hours.  Steve brought the nurses a treat - he said their eyes lit up like it was Christmas, so poignant. Don't they understand how wonderful they are?  Especially the ones who took care of me for 34 days?  The doctor asked me if I was just chomping to get home, but the truth was, I wanted to be there, I needed their help. I was in pain, quite frightened, and unable to do a lot for myself.

This morning I told the doctor that I've been waking in the night, crying,  How do you tell the difference between wasting and loss of appetite from medication and other influences?  She didn't know.  As little as I can force-feed myself I wonder if I'm wasting from cancer, an horrific thought.

I want to stay alive, I just don't want to eat. It gets complicated.

1 comment:

  1. Surely there are delectable things you love to eat that would tempt you? I can't imagine not wanting to eat, although I've been nauseaus where I didn't want anything, but that has always passed pretty quickly. I hope your appetite returns soon.


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