On 01.02.02, I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Too late for surgery, I had chemotherapy, which failed. In May the chemotherapy was changed and I was soon in remission which was celebrated and welcome and lasted nine years - until October 2011. There was progression in 2011 so more treatment was indicated and I am now back in partial remission. But I'm not only a cancer patient - I also enjoy my family, walk my dogs and am learning to draw and paint. Life is good!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Pulling on up

I will know that life is on the upswing when I get through one entire day without crying.  Yesterday the Family Medicine Doctor put me back on an antidepressant because I was telling her all my stories about waking up in the middle of the night crying over something or other. The only problem is that antidepressants typically take about three weeks to kick in and I need help now!

We walked around the block this evening -1/3 mile - and I ate something, if not heartily, throughout the day.  I had several calls for morphine, but nothing overly dramatic.  Most of the crying was about fear and panic.  I just don't know how long this eye thing is going to last and, right now, it's my biggest problem.  Activities that I enjoy - reading, blogging, drawing, writing letters and notes - are much more difficult when only one eye is functional and being challenged by the lopsidedness of everything.

This morning I had every intention of attending church.  I was up and dressed and, at the last minute, realized this wasn't going to work.  I had visions of myself wrapped in a blanket with a pillow on the pew.  I was just too wobbly and could never sit up for an entire hour.  So I cancelled - Steve had seen it coming, but I was disappointed all the same.  I've been counting my communities, and church is one of them.  Family, classes sometimes, the community at large (all 10,000 of us), the Coping with Cancer group, etc. It's important to belong, and I'm becoming more appreciative of that day by day.

But this morning I missed an opportunity to participate in belonging.


  1. Can your preacher come visit you? I know many churches will do that for you. And many will have home companions come to sit and just talk...

  2. Wrong! You didn't miss the opportunity. You got ready for it and just couldn't follow through to the finish. There will be another day to try again. And another after that as you get stronger. Besides, some people would be uncomfortable being so near to "pink eye" so you saved them some worry about catching it.


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