On 01.02.02, I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Too late for surgery, I had chemotherapy, which failed. In May the chemotherapy was changed and I was soon in remission which was celebrated and welcome and lasted nine years - until October 2011. There was progression in 2011 so more treatment was indicated and I am now back in partial remission. But I'm not only a cancer patient - I also enjoy my family, walk my dogs and am learning to draw and paint. Life is good!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Living or dying?

Yesterday I wore my winter jacket, today it was in the upper 80ºs, what's with that? What's more, since I missed six months of the year I'm even more discombobulated since it feels like we should be moving into fall, not summer.

Our cancer group met today.  There were 12 there and some mightily intense moments. A couple of us are terminal, really dying this time, and that's disheartening. I'm not sure which group to place myself in.  The chemo failed and I'm not on chemo now, but am taking two hormonals that may slow things down. More and more I find myself dwelling on thoughts of death and dying. I feel well today, so this isn't the day, but I am beginning to obsess all the same.

The pain is under control.  I still need some breakthrough meds (morphine) to keep myself comfortable but now it's actually working and I don't need very much. I should probably have the patch increased one more time and then everything will be finally in sync.  Yesterday the oncologist assured me that there is tumor activity, a scary thought, so I'll be interested in next month's reading - up or down? - to see if things are getting worse and, if so, how fast is the worsening?

My appetite has definitely improved - not enough to gain weight (134 this morning) - but enough that I can eat a normal serving of just about anything.

I should probably be working on my bucket list instead of blogging, but blogging is so much more fun!


  1. LOL. And we enjoy reading your posts so you won't catch ME complaining that you're not working on a bucket list!

  2. I remember a priest who said we aren't dying but are living until we aren't anymore. So live every moment you can until you've used up all you have. I know that's much easier said than done but I hope it helps with perspective.

    Sure glad you can eat again. That's been a long time coming!


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