On 01.02.02, I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Too late for surgery, I had chemotherapy, which failed. In May the chemotherapy was changed and I was soon in remission which was celebrated and welcome and lasted nine years - until October 2011. There was progression in 2011 so more treatment was indicated and I am now back in partial remission. But I'm not only a cancer patient - I also enjoy my family, walk my dogs and am learning to draw and paint. Life is good!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Still figuring

I've been put in precautionary isolation again, but I don't see this as having any great meaning to me at this point.  In the meantime, I competed the clear liquid diet for 2 days and have moved on to complete liquids which offers many more choices. I walked Demi three complete loops around the unit this afternoon and then we both fell asleep. Daily walking to part of my life now 'forever.'  A friend spent part of the day with me, greatly appreciated.  All in all there was some sense of momentum even if I don't have a specific date to leave.

I still have cognitive and emotional issues to deal with. Pain drugs can be seriously disorienting and I haven't always known where I was or what others were about.  When I'm alone I seem to turn to issues of death and dying and find myself crying and begging for Ativan.  Recorded tapes by Belleruth Naperstek seem to be the more useful to me because I am able to access a more hopeful zone and maintain that place for some time. I find it difficult to be alone in a hospital bed when I don't know if I'm living or dying. I get weepy depressed.  Then Steve and Demi show up and life improves.


  1. Hang in there! Recovering from surgery and being on those types of meds can really mess with your mind. Try to stay positive! I wish I could come visit you and get to know you better.

  2. I don't always have time to comment but I'm here with you, following your journey, and holding all good intentions for you every day...

  3. It sounds like the pain has abated just a bit. I sure hope so. Glad you've also been able to get out of bed too! My son claims listening to classical music helps with his migraines. I don't know if that would help you at all;my sister listens to church hyms for the same relief. I think having visitors of both the two and four leg variety is probably your best help besides medication. I sure hope they can get you on the kind where you aren't in as much of a fog and can go home. There's just no place like home!

  4. Anonymous9:00 PM

    dear barbara,

    thinking of you and so glad you have had company. progress is real, but i know it must seem slower coming than you would wish. please know that i will keep you close to my heart, and envision you coming home soon.


    karen, TC

  5. Thank you so much, each of you, for taking the time to read and comment. I'm looking forward to getting home and the "new normal."


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