On 01.02.02, I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Too late for surgery, I had chemotherapy, which failed. In May the chemotherapy was changed and I was soon in remission which was celebrated and welcome and lasted nine years - until October 2011. There was progression in 2011 so more treatment was indicated and I am now back in partial remission. But I'm not only a cancer patient - I also enjoy my family, walk my dogs and am learning to draw and paint. Life is good!

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Home again, home again

I don't know who was happier, me or Brix, but it was a great reunion after 34 days.  He jumped all over me and I jumped all over him, it was such a long separation and he is such a snuggly guy.

Five minutes later - disaster - or so I thought.  It was time for pain meds, liquid morphine, and the doctor had forgotten to order it!  I was immediately in meltdown #1,000 - I am so fragile these days - and thought my gut would split open from the pain.  Fortunately I had other meds here at home - not as strong, not as fast - and I'm relatively comfortable while Steve is hightailing it back to Santa Rosa.  The text I just received says the mistake was corrected and he is on his way home.  I cannot tell you what that initial panic was like - me with a broken belly and no meds for the pain!

I am so very happy to be in my own home.  We don't have bells and alarms and announcements here.  We are pretty quiet folk.  On the other hand, I've lost my staff!  Never have I had so many folks caring for me at one time.  It was days, weeks, over a month of generosity and warmth, good-natured concern and nonstop kindness.  I am truly grateful and will be appreciating so many for months to come.  Truly, it's overwhelming just to stop and take a moment to reflect on all who came my way to help me, calm me, soothe and heal me.

Now it's my job.  I returned home in a good state, fragility aside.  I want to live, that part I know.  I am willing to do what I can to develop a solid exercise program and to follow the nutrition guidelines suggested by my surgeon.  It was my primary care physician who mentioned strengthening a spiritual path and there have been others, many others, who offered suggestions for the way forward.  Cancer is unpredictable even when statistics show predictable patterns, but my intention is to do my best to protect myself from future recurrences. I'll even be obsessive about it - I have to be if I want to increase my chances of survival - but it's worth it to me, I really want to live.


  1. Hurray! I'm so happy for you and for Brix. I once had a dog who would hardly eat when I was gone, she would mope so much. I think you will continue to heal and feel better at home. I've never been able to get the rest I need at a hospital - too much commotion!

  2. HURRAY for being HOME!


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