Traveling down the leash

'Tis a donkey

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life.  I was so sick!  Chemotherapy often feels like flu - achy bones, weakness,  near fainting.  Food tastes like sour metal with a granular texture.  Depression sets in with all its weepiness.

I was scaring Youngest Daughter and felt worse about that.  She wasn't living with us ten years ago so has no strong memories of the last round of chemo.  She told me yesterday that the doctor was lying to me about getting better.  It's a difficult concept for her to understand that the side effects of chemotherapy can make me ill and miserable while I am actually getting well.

I was in bed most of the day.  Walking across the room was a challenge.  Steve kept asking me if he could get me something but nothing appealed.  Eventually I accepted Ensure, which I really like, the one food that has no taste distortion.  That makes me sound so old, but when nothing tastes right, it's great to find something!

The dogs kept me company.  Demi would jump up and cuddle next to me for a while, then Brix would take her place.  These are my four-footed security blankets for which I feel no shame.  They sense sorrow and sadness and offer solace in their own ways.  I could live alone in a cave for decades if I only had one dog.

This afternoon I graduated to the living room couch and felt like I'd really improved.  We made a pot of chicken vegetable soup for dinner. That sounds healthy, at least. The side effects of Taxotere must be cumulative because I seem to feel worse this round than I did before.  I also took an emotional hit when I learned that I'm likely to be starting a new round of Gemzar later in the month, just when I really believed I was through for the next few years ..... or at least that was the hope.