On 01.02.02, I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Too late for surgery, I had chemotherapy, which failed. In May the chemotherapy was changed and I was soon in remission which was celebrated and welcome and lasted nine years - until October 2011. There was progression in 2011 so more treatment was indicated and I am now back in partial remission. But I'm not only a cancer patient - I also enjoy my family, walk my dogs and am learning to draw and paint. Life is good!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Holy s*#%!

This was definitely not my day.  I got turned away for chemotherapy, something that has never happened before, never, not in 10+ years.  A nurse met me at the door - not really - and said my blood chemistry was so wonky they couldn't infuse either of the drugs scheduled.  "What happened to your creatinine?????"  Right, it was off the charts, something even I had noticed.  I was so incredibly, totally bummed!  The nurses tried to console me - a blip in the road, they said - but "there's absolutely nothing you can say that will make me feel better!" I couldn't have been more distraught - and then it got worse.

I was sent for an immediate kidney ultrasound.  It would have been great if there was a structural anomaly because they could do something about that, but I came out totally normal.

A second oncologist called me this afternoon.  She had already consulted with a nephrologist.  She might as well have told me that I was scheduled for a kidney transplant, I was so flipped out.  All those thinking errors I teach clients - like catastrophizing, for example - went out the window, totally useless to me.

Ironically, I felt great!  Steve and I actually walked today while we were waiting for the ultrasound.  It was Day 22 from the last infusion of Taxotere and I had more energy than I've had in months.  I still feel great!

There will be another blood draw on Thursday.  My hope is that this was an anomaly -- I felt horrible last week, I was dehydrated, I hardly moved, I had contrast dye for the CT scan (which plays havoc with kidneys), and celebrated St. Patrick's Day with salt, salt, salt (corned beef, Irish soda bread) something I avoid the other 364 days of the year because I have a history of heart failure.

If I flunk Thursday's test I'll be scheduled for a meeting with the oncologist and nephrologist to discuss treatment plans.  Oh, s*#%!  Pass the water, please.....


  1. And none of your readers were here to commiserate with you. What a terrible day it must have been. I am glad it's gone and you are better than this day seemed to be heading for you.

  2. A couple folks sent private emails so I wasn't totally abandoned. But I love your concern!!


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