Pardon me but there are chemicals in my brain

I don't do well when there are too many transitions in a day, when I am called upon to play too many roles on life's stage. I get discombobulated, pulled in various directions and start acting like maybe I've got chemo brain or something which I do anyway, even on a good day. This morning I had a 9:00 chemo appointment an hour away so not even the coffee had time to jump-start my temporal lobes. Today it was both Herceptin and Aredia so I was there for a while but Beulie was at my feet and staff played with her and gave her treats and petted and admired her. She's such a good doggie, I really think she might graduate next year and make someone a fine service dog.

If I could have just sat quietly and watercolored from a photo I probably would have settled into myself and come out OK but today was one of only two field trips each year. The "trip" was about a block from our classroom, hardly foreign territory, but I had never painted outdoors before and was clueless as to how to begin. I compounded it by painting a tree and I don't know how to go about painting trees yet (which was why I chose it, figuring I would learn). The more I mixed and the more I layered, the more I knew I was in deep over my head. But it was a wonderfully beautiful day. Unlike our friends in southern California who are suffering mightily, we northerners are having one of the most gorgeous weeks of the year. In the park it was warm, there were children playing, there were colorful trees, historic buildings, tourists and delicious scents wafting out of neighboring restaurants.

I worked in my office for two hours, suddenly focused. I can do that. Then I took Brix for a walk. And then I collaged and all the day's lack of cohesion became evident. What I want most is a hot shower and a book in bed. The last thing to bring my day back to perfection. After all.....I am alive. I am making medical history by staying alive so much longer than expected. I am so incredibly, blessedly alive.